Amy shares her experience of miscarriage:
“I think what hurt the most when I told people I had had a miscarriage was their response: ‘you’re young, you can try again.’ I don’t think they meant to be unkind, but our pain and grief were too easily dismissed, our baby forgotten like a sad little secret. And yet, the grief we experienced was real though few people, even those close to us, seemed to acknowledge that.
“When I had the miscarriage, my first feelings were shock and shame. I convinced myself it must have been something I did, a failure on my part, something wrong with my body. I had no idea it was really so common because it’s just not a subject anyone talks about.
“We found it difficult to grieve together as a couple. I took some time off work, but my partner carried on as normal. At first, I assumed he just didn’t feel the same pain and that made me feel so angry and alone.
“Counselling was the place I could experience my grief without having to apologise for it. I could feel the full force of the loss without hearing someone trying to minimise it to ‘cheer me up’.
“It was through counselling that I was able to reflect on the ways I wanted to remember my baby, something that gave me great comfort. I was determined that he would not be forgotten. I also learned that what I had assumed was my partner’s indifference was just his way of trying to stay strong for both of us when in truth, he was feeling the loss as keenly as I was.
“It really is about time we talked about miscarriage, something that many couples will experience. The suffering in silence makes the pain worse, drives the natural grieving process underground.”
- There’s no need to struggle alone with your grief and loss. To find out how counselling might help, email Mel@wsscs.co.uk